Music Monday-
This meme was created by Drew @ The Tattooed Book Geek. You pick a song that you really like and share it on Monday. I love this meme and look forward to sharing a new song every week! Hope you enjoy. 🖤
I had every intention to lay off my thoughts about Chris Cornell in 2018. Not to forget him, but to let go of the fact that he’s gone and not dwell on it anymore. I’m not sure that dwell is a good word to use, I mean, it’s not disrupting my life, but the thoughts still remain.
On New Year’s Eve I had this very vivid dream of him and the other Soungarden members coming to a concert event I had planned. I was chatting with him and asked if he’d like to be part of the show. He agreed, showed up, performed, and there I was right in the front, singing and stomping around to “Slaves and Bulldozers.” The weirdest part of the dream was that there weren’t many people there and tons of seats were empty. After the show we chatted and I had this very confused feeling like the show wasn’t right–like they weren’t happy about something. I had this horrible, sad feeling and then I woke up in tears. I hate those dreams when you wake up and it feels so real until reality kicks in and you realize it wasn’t. I’m pretty sure what sparked the dream was watching clips from the May 2017 performance in Detroit from the night he passed. It was horrendous and seemed very obvious that Chris wasn’t himself, in my opinion. The fact that he complained to his wife about how he blew out his voice that night left me thinking he was down on himself. I’ve thought about that a lot, that maybe he felt burned out, or felt that he wasn’t performing well enough. Hence, the empty seats in my dream maybe, but who really knows. The freakiest part about dreaming them performing this song is that “Slaves and Bulldozers” was indeed the last song they played that night in Detroit and I didn’t even realize it until afterwards.
Anyhow, I can’t hide the sadness I have inside, but I know I have to accept that he’s gone. It’ll be a year in May and I’m still in mourning, but that’s ok. Some people say, “who cares?” Well, plenty of people care and I’m one of them. I’m not going to try and suppress the feelings anymore because someone tells me I need to. These feelings are part of me and expressing them surprisingly makes me feel better.
So, here it is. “Slaves and Bulldozers” from my favorite Soundgarden album of all time, Badmotorfinger.
LYRICS
Every word I said is what I mean
Every word I said is what I mean
Everything I gave is what I need
Virgin eyes and dirty looks
On what I have and why I took
Counting all the hands I shook
Now I know why you’ve been shaking
Now I know why you’ve been shaking
Now I know why you’ve been shaking
Now I know why you’ve been shaking
So bleed your heart out
There’s no more rides for free
Bleed your heart out
I said what’s in it for me, what’s in it for me
Everything I’ve held is what I’ve freed
Everything I’ve held is what I’ve freed
Everything I’ve shown is what I feel
Buying lies and stealing jokes
And laughing every time I choke
Biding all the time you took
Now I know why you’ve been taken
Now I know why you’ve been taken
Now I know why you’ve been taken
Now I know why you’ve been taken
So bleed your heart out
There’s no more rides for free, yeah
Bleed your heart out
I said what’s in it for me, what’s in it for me
What’s in it for, what’s in it for
Every word I said is what I mean
Everything I gave is what I need
Everything I’ve held is what I’ve freed
Everything I’ve shown is what I feel
Virgin eyes and dirty looks
On what I have and why I took
Counting all the hands I shook
Now I know why you’ve been shaking
Buying lies and stealing jokes
And laughing every time I choke
Biding all the time you took
Now I know why you’ve been taken
This is on the album:
Badmotorfinger
“I’m not going to try and suppress the feelings anymore because someone tells me I need to. These feelings are part of me and expressing them surprisingly makes me feel better.”
I love your post but especially that part! We shouldn’t have to suppress our feelings for someone else.
Dreams really can make you feel strange when you first wake up….sometimes throughout the day. I’m glad you feel better when you express yourself.
Great song choice!!
Big hugs!! ❤
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Thanks, Deanna! ❤ I appreciate that so much. 🙂 Take care and Hugs.
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Gotta love Soundgarden and Chris. Just like Chester it’s still such a tragic loss of a phenomenal talent.
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It truly is. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. 🖤
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loving those lyrics!😍
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Me too, Dani. 🖤
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I had a dream a few days ago. It was amazing, not because it was fantastic or hallucinating, but because I did something that forced me to face a fear I apparently had that day. It was ironic that a character in WIP had the same fear. I took that part of my dream and I wrote it into the narrative. That’s how I feel about Soundgarden and what they’re trying to say. I can’t explain the motivation for your dream unless, deep down, you have a desire to perform. I can definitely see by the sparse crowd that you think Chris Cornell is underappreciated and you’re right..
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a character in my WIP…
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Thanks for your insight, David. 😊 Dreams are something amazing, aren’t they? I have read that our fears come out in dreams and I’m sure part of mine is not wanting to let go of the era.
How interesting that your dream will now be connected to your writing. It’s almost like you helped yourself. 🖤 I can’t wait to read it!
The sparse crowd could be that, or maybe just thinking about his voice troubles. I don’t know, but it’s interesting. I need to start keeping a dream journal. I’ve always wanted to.
Hope to chat soon and thanks again. 🙂
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😞😔
Lovely heartfelt post. And the music lives on…
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Thank you. It’s true the music will always be here. 🖤
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One nice thing that can be appreciated is just that the ‘music’ does live on and that’s a major gift in itself. Also Chris can RIP now in a place that is safe and doesn’t hurt him anymore. Maybe he has already started his own band in Heaven and will carry on his music there. He is definitely in your heart and I can say that is probably the reason for your dream. And that’s ok! 🙂
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The music will live on and I remind myself of that a lot. 💗 Thanks so much for your insight on this. He is and will always remain in my heart. 😊
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Fantastic choice. Jesus Christ Pose was one of the first “rock” songs that I really got into as a teenager. Such a sad loss. Thank you for sharing my lovely xxx
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I was listening to that one last night! It’s so heavy. Badmotorfinger is definitely their heaviest. Thanks for sharing. ❤🤘
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Love Soundgarden and been listening to them a lot recently. This song is awesome. Great choice.
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Thank you, Claire. ❤
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My kids listened to Soundgarden, so through them, so did I. Whenever we lose a great talent it is hard. Their legacy lives on in their work. Nice choice for Music Monday.
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Carla, I always love your comments. 💖 Thank you for sharing that with me. I appreciate it so much and you are so right. 😊
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Love your Blog, interested to hear about the Baklava recipe which you refer to. Please can you share this. Your article on Helen Corey’s Syrian cookbook was interesting, and I love the way you post recipes and accounts of your cooking adventures! Thank you Fiona in Cairo.
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Fiona, thank you so much! I’m sorry I haven’t responded to your message yet and will very soon. I’m excited that you like my posts! Thank you so much and I’ll email you thr recipe! Will chat soon 💖
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